Friday, October 25, 2002

Homecoming Week...

It's been forever since I've had time to update my livejournal, which I recently found out is referred to as a 'blog'. Cool. So yeah I have been pulling about 16 hour days at school between band, KKPsi, class, and a whole myriad of meetings. I have been having a lot of fun though. I'm learning Aikido right now and that's way cool and I have found an associate professor from Japan who is helping me with my Japanese while I'm helping his wife with her English. It's so much fun. The other day we went over to their house to study and I studied with their 5 year old daughter Mizuki. She is so cute!!!! We were playing spelling games to help me learn hiragana (one of the Japanese alphabets).
I don't think I've ever mentioned on here. I hate Calculus. It is the epitomy of deceptive simplicity. I know how to use all the formulas, how to differentiate anything you throw at me, and yet somehow on the test I manage mess up little things that get me a bad grade. GRRRRRR!!! I do not want to take this class again. It's put me to sleep since the first time that I've gone and it's only getting worse as time progresses.

So the other day I was participating in one of the homecoming events that's called laugh olympics and there was game that we played called "holy mackerel" or something to that extent and this is what happened. I had a partner who I carried on back and I wore a stocking on my head that held in an egg that I was suppose to keep from getting broken. But wait there's more, my partner had a dead mackerel that she used to try and break the eggs on everyone else's heads, which in turn everyone else was trying to break my egg. So for 15 minutes I carried someone around while getting pummeled with fish. The best part was that the fish liked to break, so by the end of it I was covered in blood and fish guts and I reeked of fish. I was also extremely tired.
Well I really shouldn't have taken this time to write this because it is now 1am and I have a 7am call time today. Then another 18 hours of homecoming goodness. Good night.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Mementos of the Past

Oh to fathom the intricacies of the mind. Woe to the one that does not.

I said in one of my first posts that I was looking for love. Love that didn't have to be told or shown, but love that was just known. It's been proved to me tonight that I really don't know what I was looking for.

Or mayhap I do.

The expression of my own fears shows the desires unknown to me. What it seems I want to is to have a companion. Someone that is there with me through everything. Someone that knows my little nuances and looks out for me. Someone to joke with and someone that jokes with me. Someone to share the wonderful thing known as life with every day.

I wish that I could be stronger of mind or lesser of desire so that I could be happy with unconditional love. So that sharing of day to day events was only trivial and that the sharing of love was all that was needed.

I guess I just want too much. That is why I feel so alone and have such a longing all the time. There isn't anything/anyone capable of meeting the demands that I desire. I'm a black hole that sucks in everything it can and still isn't satisfied.