Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Another day

So I had another day without class, well not entirely without class, I went to a little bit of Math, but I didnt' feel I needed to be there. My 7am was cancelled though. Woohoo!!! Unfortunately I didn't find this out til an hour of snoozing my alarm, after which I checked my e-mail and saw the notice. It was kind of good timing because for one reason or another, I was feeling in a social mood last night and went over to Sandy and Charm's place for way too long. I left there probably around 2 or something. I talked to Sandy about the comment that Mary made last night, and she put a whole different light on it, which makes me feel even more stupid for the way I reacted. Sandy said that I should take it as proof that she still likes me. I still don't know how that makes me feel better, and it makes why she broke up with me even more confusing, but I feel do feel a little better. Mostly I feel completely stupid for the way I have been acting. I'm going to try really, really hard not to do that anymore and to just pretend I was never hurt.

I think that I've also found the source of my lethargy. When I was with Mary, I saw how organized she was or how she got everything done and had time for me and because of my procrastination I was always having to do stuff when she had time. So I started saying to myself that I was going to get things in order like she had it so that I had as much time for her as she had for me. I think I just lost that drive and now I have to find a new drive. People often say you should do things for yourself, but I can't do it just for myself. I never think of just myself, so my mind doesn't work like that. That's all I have for now, I'm off to fencing soon.

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