Tuesday, July 06, 2004

sleepless in slo

Yeah, I can't sleep. For a few nights in a row now, I've been waking up at 4-5 or so and I haven't been able to go back to sleep. I toss and turn and feel miserable. I don't know why. My mind has been really active lately. I'm thinking a lot about where I'm going in life. For a long time now I've been struggling with the question of "what to do" with my life. Mostly for school, of course. What classes do I take, which major do I want, what degree do I shoot for? The problem is that I've never really been that motivated in school. I know I can do a whole lot better than I do. I'm certainly smart enough. I just don' 'ave eh gumption. I really honestly don't see school helping me that much. There are so many other things that are important in my life that I give my time and attention to. And now I think I might have finally found the career path I want to take, and school isn't a part of that. The possibility is presesnting itself at work that I might be trained as an optician. That's something that you traditionally learn on the job, there are probably only a handful of school programs in the entire country. After apprenticing for two years, you are eligible to sit for the national boards and receive a licence. All without a college degree. Its a job that I think I would really enjoy. It certainly doesn't bring home six figures a year, but I'd be able to get along quite nicely. So I sit up at night and think about that. I know that I've been fed since high school the idea that I should go to college and I should get a degree. But if my life and career are going down a path that doesn't require that, then why should I? I feel almost like I'm blaspheming by saying that. My old high school teacher must be getting a cold chill right now. But that's the truth. Right now school is an extra in my life. It's draining my time, energy, and money. Sure, its an education, but I've never had problems educating myself in other ways. I love reading and trying new hobbies. So its not like if I leave school I'll fall into intellectual stagnation. *sigh* I think I'll go back to bed now, I'm done thinking about this for now. Besides, I've got a 7:30 class tomorrow.


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